Alien

INFJ’s often feel like aliens. We are rare, misunderstood, and there are so many things in this world that we simply don’t relate to. We are idealists. We see the world for what it could, and should, be. The reality of it is quite disappointing. We see and feel things that most do not, only adding to our inner loneliness. The Se function is very weak for us, causing a disconnect between our minds and the physical world around us, including our bodies. I have been feeling especially “alien” lately, which inspired me to write what that feels like:

I am an alien trapped in a human body on a planet they call “Earth.” I do not feel connected to this extremely limited body. I don’t even know why I am here. I am so different from the rest of them in every possible way. I am alone, and I am frustrated. I just want to go home.
On my planet, we can communicate without words getting in the way; we literally feel each other’s joys and sorrows, and we understand without a single word. In this world, non-verbal forms of communication between beings doesn’t exist. You must string just the right words together in just the right way in a to explain how you feel, and even then, others do not understand. After all, my native language is not of this world; I have to translate my thoughts into their language, and sometimes I just can’t. Their words aren’t always enough.
On my planet, we have wings– to fly, to soar; there are no limitations or physical boundaries. Walls, canyons, mountains, are not obstacles. In this world, I have feet and legs. Moving forward requires putting one foot in front of the other. It is tedious, tiring, and takes too long. There are boundaries and obstacles that I can’t get past without wings. These feet are foreign to me, and I trip over them all of the time. I get teased a lot. I am expected to do physical activities, and to do them well. But this body is strange to me, and I can’t make it do those things. They explain how, but I still can’t make my body cooperate. So they give up, believing me to be stupid. I get so frustrated, because I am not stupid, and I am capable of so much more. I want so badly to fly, but I am trapped in a body that will not let me. If they could only see me fly, they wouldn’t laugh anymore–They could see me for who I really am.
In my world, there is freedom instead of judgement. We see souls instead of bodies. Small talk doesn’t exist, no one pretends, no one has to hide who they are to be accepted. The masks humans use are not necessary in my world. Our physical appearance is of no importance. There is genuine concern for others, helping hands at every turn, immense compassion, and love is what really matters. In this world, it is every man for himself. Masks must be worn every day, because you are judged for everything here, even what you look like. Importance is placed on the superficial, not on love. There is very little empathy or compassion. If you let your mask slip and show how you feel, it is not acceptable. Any human that expresses emotion is criticized for being weak, dramatic, and over sensitive. I learned the this painful lesson the hard way.
Most humans don’t even bother talking to each other; they are like zombies with smart phones. They don’t even see the people next to them until it is too late. They completely miss out on deep connections with one another, and they are lonely. They spend astounding amounts of money and time on their appearances, trying to live up to the ridiculous standards set forth for them. They don’t realize what my planet has always known: your body is merely a shell–It’s what’s inside the shell that matters. They are all in pain, but suffer alone in silence until they die. There is a void inside all of them, a void they struggle to fill with all the wrong things. Even with their beauty and their money, they are broken and empty. They miss out on each other because they are too busy ignoring, judging or hurting each other. They lie, cheat, kill and steal. There is destruction everywhere, and they bring it on themselves. It is excruciatingly hard to watch.
I can feel their pain as if it were my own. My heart breaks for them, and sometimes it’s too much to bear. I cry for them when they aren’t looking, and I cry because I want to go home where I am accepted. I don’t know why I am here; I am nothing like them, and I do not possess the talents or skills that they value. I feel worthless in this world, where everything I am is not accepted or even seen. I may look like them in this human body, but I don’t think or see like they do. I want to give up, to just go home and never look back. This world and the people in it drain me until there is nothing left.
However, I have grown to love humans deeply. They will forever see me as stupid and weird, because my body won’t allow me to talk and move as effortlessly as they do. They think it strange that I feel so much, and that I actually care how they feel. They may never see me as I truly am, yet I can see them so much clearer than they see themselves. It is new to them, to have someone care about them and their stories…to feel accepted without their masks, instead of judged and hurt. I can make them feel love instead of misery, because I, too, know what it is to be judged, criticized, and unaccepted. Maybe that’s why I am here: to teach them how to fly.

einstein understand

INFJ Songs of the Week

1. “Inferno”-Sir Sly (I just downloaded the whole album and I loooove it all!)
“I think you clipped my wings to save me from the sun…I drove to hell and back to try to find my place.”

2. “High”-Young Rising Sons
“Without the low, there ain’t a high.  Just let it go, enjoy the ride.”

3. “Dangerous”-David Guetta
“Show me your soul
I gotta know
Bet that you’re beautiful inside
Toes on the glass
Car moving fast
Come take the wheel and drive”

4. “In Your Arms”-Nico and Vinz
“They tried to break me down
But I’m still on my feet
This city’s full of life
So why is it hard to breathe
Oh why did God create this world so unfair
I don’t know
Sometimes I feel like I can’t run, I can’t crawl
And sometimes I feel like I ain’t nothing at all
Life is a journey where you stumble and fall
But I’m okay
When I lie down in your arms”

5. “I Bet My Life”-Imagine Dragons
“I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I know I let you down, didn’t I?”

INFJ Songs of the Week

1. Hey Now (Arty Remix)–London Grammer

Hey now, letters burning by my bed for you
Hey now, I can feel my instincts here for you, hey now

2. Lifespan–Vaults

Oh, you took what you wanted to take
And yet you never wanted nothing from me

3. Hunger of the Pine–Alt J

Sleeplessly embracing
Yawn yearns into me
Plenty more tears in the sea
And so you finally use it
Bedding with me you see at night
Your heart wears knight armour

4. Ancient Light–Allman Brown

Love is all that’s left to lose…
Lost, lost, but not alone anymore…
This ancient light.

5. Let it Go–James Bay

I used to recognize myself;
It’s funny how reflections change
When we’re becoming something else.
I think it’s time to walk away….
Everything that’s broke
Leave it to the breeze.
Why don’t you be you
AND I’LL BE ME

6. U-Dreams–Young Liars

Dreams change right under your feet
While sitting in the dark
I whispered to myself, “I don’t want them anymore..”

INFJ Favorite Songs of the Week!

1. Embrace Me–Greg Laswell

Oh wind, won’t you take me up to the sky
I can get a good look down at this life of mine
River, won’t you take me out into the sea
I can get a good look back at the land that grounds me

2. Wave–Beck  

I move away from this place
In the form of a disturbance
And enter into the world
Like some tiny distortion

3. It Was Always You–Maroon 5

Woke up sweating from a dream
With a different kind of feeling
All day long my heart was beating
Searching for the meaning

4. Love Runs Out–OneRepublic

I’ll be your light, your match, your burning sun,
I’ll be the bright, in black that’s makin’ you run.

5. This One Has Flown–Sam Martin

This one is gone
This one has flown
I have lost something pure..

6. Battle Cry–Imagine Dragons

Stars are only visible in darkness
Fear is ever-changing and evolving
And I, I can poison these eyes
But I, I feel so alive
Nobody can save you now
The king is crowned
It’s do or die
Nobody can save me now
The only sound
Is the battle cry

You Know You’re An INFJ When…

-You suffer from “emotional sponge syndrome.”  You literally soak up the emotions of everyone around you, like it or not.

-You can easily help others figure out their problems, but figuring out your own is another ballgame.

-You are really proud of yourself when you get through small talk without being awkward.

-You HATE talking on the phone.  You procrastinate if you have to call someone, and practice what you will say beforehand.

-You pretend things don’t bother you when they really do.  You put on your poker face, because being called “over sensitive” and “dramatic” just adds insult to injury.

-You sound like a bumbling idiot when you try to verbalize your own emotions.  It always makes things worse, so you realize that you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.

-You know what it is to feel completely misunderstood and totally alone in a room full of people.

-You get frustrated at how shallow, selfish and insensitive everyone around you can be.  You wouldn’t dream of treating them the way they treat you.  

-Your own feelings can be pretty intense.  You tend to downplay just how intense they really are, for fear of scaring people.  You find yourself only sharing the parts of yourself that they can handle and nothing more.

-You see so much potential in the people close to you.  And it kills you to see them refusing to live up to it.

-While others merely look, you SEE.  When they can only listen, you truly HEAR.  You feel things that they are completely oblivious to.  It is like you are dancing to beautiful music, but they cannot hear the music.  They think you are the crazy one, but you know better.  It’s like you see the world in 3D and they see it in 2D.  There is so much more there and they are completely blind to it. And it is really frustrating, because they just don’t get it and never will.

-Criticism is a hard pill for you to swallow.  Logically, you know people are genuinely trying to help, but it is impossible to convince your feelings of this.

-You’re lying when you utter the phrase, “I don’t care.”  You always care.  And you kind of hate it.  Maybe if you say you don’t care, and act like you don’t, you can trick yourself into believing it.  But it just never works.

-Conflict makes you want to vomit.  You literally feel physically ill in the pit of your stomach until it’s resolved.

-You trust no one.  If you do, it is a really big deal and it’s limited to a very select few.

-It is blatantly obvious to you when someone lies.  If someone gives you a compliment, you can tell if they really mean it.  You see through fake like it’s glass.

-You notice everything.  You know quite a bit more than you let on.  People would be really surprised at what actually goes on in your head.  

-Some personalities think you are dumb.  You live in your head, not your body.  Your body kind of runs on autopilot, so you tend to be clumsy.  You know a lot, but don’t know how to verbalize it.  You don’t think in logic and facts.  Some people take this as unintelligence, but it could not be further from the truth.

-You have a strong need to make people happy.  If they aren’t happy, you aren’t happy.  You’ve been called a people pleaser on more than one occasion.  Most of the time, you wish so badly you could change this about yourself.  However, those close to you feel loved and taken care of on a whole different level than they experience with other people.

INFJs, feel free to add to the list!  I would love to hear from you!

Note To Self:

Note to self:  You are not responsible for the emotions of others.  Their sadness, stress, anger, grief and bitterness are not your burdens to shoulder.  Those emotions do not belong to you.  Separate yourself from them.  Don’t let that negativity ruin your entire day…don’t let it dull your sparkle, take up space in your already crowded mind or hold you back from fully feeling the joy in your own life.

Note to self: Don’t use your superpowers for evil.  Just because you can read people like a book, doesn’t mean you should take advantage of that.  Manipulating people may get you want you want, but it is not worth the guilt that comes with it.  You will feel better about life if you do the right thing.  (If you don’t, you will get caught in that perfectionist downward spiral of self loathing.  Just don’t go there.)

Note to self:  Don’t forget that you have needs too.  Don’t give so much of yourself that there’s nothing left.  You have a strong need to make everyone happy, so strong that it can take over your life before you know what’s happening.  It will leave you with nothing, it will leave you depressed, and empty and drained…you may even feel used in a way.  You will become an empty shell of a person, and you won’t know how to fix it.  There is a balance between being selfless and selfish.  Try to find that balance and remember that you are person too, that you DO matter. 

Note to self:  Give people a break; don’t get so frustrated with them when they fail to catch on to your feelings.  Not all personalities can read emotions wordlessly like you can.  Sometimes you have to spell things out for them, or they will never know what is on your mind and how you feel.  Don’t be afraid to be up-front about your emotions when it is important.  Instead of resenting the other person for not figuring it out, just tell them.  And try not to stress too much about how the words will sound…you may ramble and have to explain what you mean in metaphors, but they will get the point eventually….hopefully.

Note to self: Don’t beat yourself up so much.  Tone down the self-loathing, and take the perfectionism down a notch or 2.  You are human.  You forgive everyone else, but you won’t forgive yourself.  STOP IT.  Yes, there is always room for improvement, but when you accomplish something, just enjoy it, for goodness sake!  Don’t let those feelings of worthlessness, failure and disappointment pollute your life.

“I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands.”
Avicii – Wake Me Up

“I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

“She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Super Powers

INFJs feel emotions very intensely. Not only are my own emotions intense, but so is everyone else’s. It’s like when a super hero gets mind reading powers and can hear the thoughts of everyone around them all at once. It’s overwhelming. That is my life everyday. Instead of hearing words, I feel their emotions and I feel them so strongly, whether I want to or not. I can feel every bit of stress, anger and frustration that people keep pent up inside. If everyone around me is stressed, I’m stressed; even when I have nothing to be stressed out about. I can feel sadness and joy, too. I had a friend who lost her baby and I was sad about it for weeks. We aren’t super close, and we don’t even live in the same town. Yet, it was all I could think about. I hear a story on the news about an innocent child that was murdered, or see a picture of a starving, abused animal on facebook, and I feel immense sadness over it. INFJs take empathy to whole new level. We feel every bit of what you feel, whether you want us to or not. Sometimes it gets really confusing, trying to sort through which emotions actually belong to me and which ones don’t. It gets really loud in my mind, like having 5 radio stations on all at once. Not only am I dealing with my own thoughts and emotions, but I am constantly bombarded with everyone else’s too. It’s a blessing and a curse…but most of the time it feels like a curse. It’s a very exhausting existence. You’d think I’d be in tears everytime I watch the news, or see a sad movie, but not so. I have had quite a bit of practice dealing with such strong emotions; I can keep it all inside and without showing any trace of it on the outside. It’s become automatic. Sometimes I wish someone could break that wall down and save me from myself, but I have built a pretty damn strong wall. Other personality types simply don’t have the ability to see beyond walls and masks the way we do…which can be a good thing and bad thing. I have spent most of my life being misunderstood and called things like “dramatic” and “over-sensitive,” so I have learned from this that people cannot handle my emotions and I am better off dealing with them alone.

“So come here, oh, my star is fading
I swerved just out of reach
And I know I’m dead on the surface
But I’m screaming underneath” -Coldplay, “Amsterdam”

“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland