INFJ Songs of the Week

1. “Inferno”-Sir Sly (I just downloaded the whole album and I loooove it all!)
“I think you clipped my wings to save me from the sun…I drove to hell and back to try to find my place.”

2. “High”-Young Rising Sons
“Without the low, there ain’t a high.  Just let it go, enjoy the ride.”

3. “Dangerous”-David Guetta
“Show me your soul
I gotta know
Bet that you’re beautiful inside
Toes on the glass
Car moving fast
Come take the wheel and drive”

4. “In Your Arms”-Nico and Vinz
“They tried to break me down
But I’m still on my feet
This city’s full of life
So why is it hard to breathe
Oh why did God create this world so unfair
I don’t know
Sometimes I feel like I can’t run, I can’t crawl
And sometimes I feel like I ain’t nothing at all
Life is a journey where you stumble and fall
But I’m okay
When I lie down in your arms”

5. “I Bet My Life”-Imagine Dragons
“I know I took the path that you would never want for me
I know I let you down, didn’t I?”

Progress.

Session three of therapy today.  It’s getting a little easier as far as talking to a complete stranger about my problems goes.  I find it hard to sleep on therapy nights; so much crap from my past gets dredged up and keeps my mind too busy to sleep.  I have a lot of nightmares since starting therapy, as well.  My subconscious is trying to work through it all, but is showing signs of progress as it turns out.

I dreamed that I went to see my mom for the first time in years.  And it took guts.  But I went for it.  Things immediately went downhill.  There was no “Hi, how are you?”  She went straight into trying to destroy my marriage.  She reported domestic abuse that didn’t even happen to the cops.  She hadn’t seen me or my husband in years, she knew NOTHING about us and then pulls this stunt.  She took my phone and tried to cut me off from my own husband.  Now me and my kid were under her roof, under her control and manipulation, just like she wanted.  I let it happen before in real life, but this dream had a different ending.  I saw through her manipulation this time.  And I fought back.  I let her have it.  In a blind rage, I screamed at her and blamed her for divorcing my dad, amongst many other things.  I then took my phone back and called my husband to pick us up and leave immediately.

My subconscious is taking my past, and mixing it with my present.  It’s telling me that I don’t have to take shit from anyone, not even my own family.  I have a mind of my own, now.  Something I’m just discovering, sadly.  I have been manipulated and controlled my whole life.  But it ends here and now. 

I have a lot of work ahead of me, though.  I also learned today that I am really mean to myself.  I was instructed to try positive affirmations and to be more aware of my inner dialogue and thought process.  I need to change the channel when those self-hating thoughts rear their ugly heads.  I have always been a perfectionist and really hard on myself, so this will be a huge undertaking to say the least.  My INFJ personality type is kind of notorious for being their own worst critic, so I’m actually rewiring my brain here.  It’s overwhelming.   I need to take this one step at a time, which presents another challenge: INFJs are forward thinkers, but this requires me to be in the moment…hmmm.

You Know You’re An INFJ When…

-You suffer from “emotional sponge syndrome.”  You literally soak up the emotions of everyone around you, like it or not.

-You can easily help others figure out their problems, but figuring out your own is another ballgame.

-You are really proud of yourself when you get through small talk without being awkward.

-You HATE talking on the phone.  You procrastinate if you have to call someone, and practice what you will say beforehand.

-You pretend things don’t bother you when they really do.  You put on your poker face, because being called “over sensitive” and “dramatic” just adds insult to injury.

-You sound like a bumbling idiot when you try to verbalize your own emotions.  It always makes things worse, so you realize that you’re better off keeping your mouth shut.

-You know what it is to feel completely misunderstood and totally alone in a room full of people.

-You get frustrated at how shallow, selfish and insensitive everyone around you can be.  You wouldn’t dream of treating them the way they treat you.  

-Your own feelings can be pretty intense.  You tend to downplay just how intense they really are, for fear of scaring people.  You find yourself only sharing the parts of yourself that they can handle and nothing more.

-You see so much potential in the people close to you.  And it kills you to see them refusing to live up to it.

-While others merely look, you SEE.  When they can only listen, you truly HEAR.  You feel things that they are completely oblivious to.  It is like you are dancing to beautiful music, but they cannot hear the music.  They think you are the crazy one, but you know better.  It’s like you see the world in 3D and they see it in 2D.  There is so much more there and they are completely blind to it. And it is really frustrating, because they just don’t get it and never will.

-Criticism is a hard pill for you to swallow.  Logically, you know people are genuinely trying to help, but it is impossible to convince your feelings of this.

-You’re lying when you utter the phrase, “I don’t care.”  You always care.  And you kind of hate it.  Maybe if you say you don’t care, and act like you don’t, you can trick yourself into believing it.  But it just never works.

-Conflict makes you want to vomit.  You literally feel physically ill in the pit of your stomach until it’s resolved.

-You trust no one.  If you do, it is a really big deal and it’s limited to a very select few.

-It is blatantly obvious to you when someone lies.  If someone gives you a compliment, you can tell if they really mean it.  You see through fake like it’s glass.

-You notice everything.  You know quite a bit more than you let on.  People would be really surprised at what actually goes on in your head.  

-Some personalities think you are dumb.  You live in your head, not your body.  Your body kind of runs on autopilot, so you tend to be clumsy.  You know a lot, but don’t know how to verbalize it.  You don’t think in logic and facts.  Some people take this as unintelligence, but it could not be further from the truth.

-You have a strong need to make people happy.  If they aren’t happy, you aren’t happy.  You’ve been called a people pleaser on more than one occasion.  Most of the time, you wish so badly you could change this about yourself.  However, those close to you feel loved and taken care of on a whole different level than they experience with other people.

INFJs, feel free to add to the list!  I would love to hear from you!

Note To Self:

Note to self:  You are not responsible for the emotions of others.  Their sadness, stress, anger, grief and bitterness are not your burdens to shoulder.  Those emotions do not belong to you.  Separate yourself from them.  Don’t let that negativity ruin your entire day…don’t let it dull your sparkle, take up space in your already crowded mind or hold you back from fully feeling the joy in your own life.

Note to self: Don’t use your superpowers for evil.  Just because you can read people like a book, doesn’t mean you should take advantage of that.  Manipulating people may get you want you want, but it is not worth the guilt that comes with it.  You will feel better about life if you do the right thing.  (If you don’t, you will get caught in that perfectionist downward spiral of self loathing.  Just don’t go there.)

Note to self:  Don’t forget that you have needs too.  Don’t give so much of yourself that there’s nothing left.  You have a strong need to make everyone happy, so strong that it can take over your life before you know what’s happening.  It will leave you with nothing, it will leave you depressed, and empty and drained…you may even feel used in a way.  You will become an empty shell of a person, and you won’t know how to fix it.  There is a balance between being selfless and selfish.  Try to find that balance and remember that you are person too, that you DO matter. 

Note to self:  Give people a break; don’t get so frustrated with them when they fail to catch on to your feelings.  Not all personalities can read emotions wordlessly like you can.  Sometimes you have to spell things out for them, or they will never know what is on your mind and how you feel.  Don’t be afraid to be up-front about your emotions when it is important.  Instead of resenting the other person for not figuring it out, just tell them.  And try not to stress too much about how the words will sound…you may ramble and have to explain what you mean in metaphors, but they will get the point eventually….hopefully.

Note to self: Don’t beat yourself up so much.  Tone down the self-loathing, and take the perfectionism down a notch or 2.  You are human.  You forgive everyone else, but you won’t forgive yourself.  STOP IT.  Yes, there is always room for improvement, but when you accomplish something, just enjoy it, for goodness sake!  Don’t let those feelings of worthlessness, failure and disappointment pollute your life.

“I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands.”
Avicii – Wake Me Up

“I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

“She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it),”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Super Powers

INFJs feel emotions very intensely. Not only are my own emotions intense, but so is everyone else’s. It’s like when a super hero gets mind reading powers and can hear the thoughts of everyone around them all at once. It’s overwhelming. That is my life everyday. Instead of hearing words, I feel their emotions and I feel them so strongly, whether I want to or not. I can feel every bit of stress, anger and frustration that people keep pent up inside. If everyone around me is stressed, I’m stressed; even when I have nothing to be stressed out about. I can feel sadness and joy, too. I had a friend who lost her baby and I was sad about it for weeks. We aren’t super close, and we don’t even live in the same town. Yet, it was all I could think about. I hear a story on the news about an innocent child that was murdered, or see a picture of a starving, abused animal on facebook, and I feel immense sadness over it. INFJs take empathy to whole new level. We feel every bit of what you feel, whether you want us to or not. Sometimes it gets really confusing, trying to sort through which emotions actually belong to me and which ones don’t. It gets really loud in my mind, like having 5 radio stations on all at once. Not only am I dealing with my own thoughts and emotions, but I am constantly bombarded with everyone else’s too. It’s a blessing and a curse…but most of the time it feels like a curse. It’s a very exhausting existence. You’d think I’d be in tears everytime I watch the news, or see a sad movie, but not so. I have had quite a bit of practice dealing with such strong emotions; I can keep it all inside and without showing any trace of it on the outside. It’s become automatic. Sometimes I wish someone could break that wall down and save me from myself, but I have built a pretty damn strong wall. Other personality types simply don’t have the ability to see beyond walls and masks the way we do…which can be a good thing and bad thing. I have spent most of my life being misunderstood and called things like “dramatic” and “over-sensitive,” so I have learned from this that people cannot handle my emotions and I am better off dealing with them alone.

“So come here, oh, my star is fading
I swerved just out of reach
And I know I’m dead on the surface
But I’m screaming underneath” -Coldplay, “Amsterdam”

“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

INFJ Information & Links

For the past few weeks, I have been gathering information about my personality type.  I have been reading the description from various sources as well as forums and blogs in an attempt to understand it as fully as possible.  With that understanding, I may be better able to understand myself as well.  I am hoping this will allow me to relate  to other types more effectively and improve communication, something I’m not great at.  Here are a few of my finds…I will add more as I stumble across them.

INFJ DESCRIPTION:

http://www.infj.org/public/infjcharacter.html

https://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html

http://typelogic.com/infj.html

http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/

http://www.preludecharacteranalysis.com/types/infj

http://voices.yahoo.com/the-myers-briggs-counselor-personality-type-infj-9007313.html?cat=25

 

BLOG POSTS & ARTICLES:

How To Love Your INFJ:  http://littleleftofnormal.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-to-love-your-infj.html

Achieving a Peaceful Life: http://voices.yahoo.com/achieving-peaceful-life-as-infj-12624343.html?cat=9

A GREAT blog written by an INFJ:  http://www.infjanonymous.com/

10 Things Every INFJ Wants You to Know:  http://www.jennifersoldner.com/2013/06/top-10-things-every-infj-wants-you-to.html

INFJ and Co-dependency: http://voices.yahoo.com/are-infj-personalities-bound-co-dependant-3411666.html?cat=72